Eric J. Ma’s Website

Writing, writing, writing. I just love it. But writing with writer’s block just doesn’t pull it. I hate that.

Writing about myself is even harder. I’m okay with writing about other things, issues, objects, even other people (although I do try to follow the Biblical principles of being diplomatic, gentle but truthful in my assessment of others)… but myself? That felt like Moses writing “摩西为人极其谦和”… blowing my own trumpet about all of my achievements. Oh well, it’s a necessity.

So writing till 1:30AM in AMBL is quite the experience. MSL is quiet then, and nobody’s around save for a few PhD students still trying to complete their experiments. The custodians want to clean out AMBL, but they see me inside and hesitate – what if he’s doing some important things on his computer? (Really, I wasn’t, just writing my scholarship applications…) I let them in, telling them, “At this time, when you’ve got to do your job, you’re the boss.” Apurv comes by, and Qingning too, both of them from the Ellis Lab. Late-night workers. I call a few people, to relieve my mind, and pacing up and down in this large, expansive and clean lab keeps my mind clear.

I finish my writing at 1:30AM, realizing that my juices have dried up and that I need a rest. I am ostensibly tired, though my mind still has whizzes of brilliance flash-banging through it. I pack up, quietly, making sure that I have everything that I came with, before wheeling my bike out of AMBL. As I wheel out, a maintenance guy comes in, and I ask, “Late night call?” He replies, “Oh no, something broke.”

We exchange a “cheers”, and I bike off into the night, to my bed, to rest my tired head.

As Jophat takes his customary hour-long shower, I thought I’d do a bit of writing on this dusty old blog of mine.

So now I’ve decided to do something unprecedented, something I never thought I’d do as an undergrad: I asked a prof if I could be a TA for his class.

Yes, I was blessed with a mind that could do problem solving well, so when faced with a problem in front of me, I would fiddle around with it (mentally) until I arrived at the correct solution. Genetics has been my best course in the Life Sciences. Being a problem-based course and not a memory-based course, I showed my aptitude in the course by scoring an A+ in the course – 93%, my second best ever. As much as I have learned a lot from my microbiology courses (and I still do retain quite a bit of the info, such as the concepts of gene regulation hierarchy in the hell-of-a-class MICB324, or the formation of synapses in immune system cell-cell communication from MICB302), I have learned the most about tackling a problem from the Genetics courses.

I certainly didn’t think I’d muster the guts to ask, but only after chatting with Lee Ling about this did I say, “Okay buddy, no try, no know.” And only after chatting with Charles about it, to assess whether I’d actually make a good TA did I say, “Okay buddy, just go do it.” So I did it. I shot Craig and e-mail, asking for the opportunity to give this a shot.

I don’t know how this will turn out, if he’s already secured the TAs that he needs or not… or if I won’t get this chance at all with a direct “no”. I do hope I get the chance, as it’ll be a great way for me bolster my educational portfolio. But I will leave the final decision to God alone, and let Him decide whether it’ll be a good chance for me or not.

There’s been a lot going on lately in my life, with the whole “getting ready for graduate school” being the main focus. Scholarship applications, school applications, canvassing for reference letters, trying to do research at the same time… it can all add up.

It sometimes feels that I’m in the midst of a rat race. An unwanted rat race. A race that I don’t really want to be a part of. It’s stressful, not enjoyable, and causes me worries. Worries that I’ll not be considered good enough. It makes my heart skip a beat, at times, when I recognize the stress of what’s going on.

But then I reflect, and realize, actually that skip of a beat comes from a guilty conscience. A conscience that wants to put the focus on “self”, on “me”, on “my own” achievement, “my own” reputation, “my own” research, “my own” accomplishments. That focus on “me” alone makes me worry that I’ll have so much at stake to lose.

However, I do know that I don’t have to worry about this anymore. The epiphany, as all epiphanies which happen to me, came in the washroom. I think I was showering. I just had to hark back and take a “God’s eye view” of things, and realize that when I stop focusing on myself, I release myself from the shackles of pride and conceit that tie me down. I become able to take pride in my work without being proud of myself. I become able to focus on service to others rather than servicing myself. I synergize with others with rather than advancing my own goals at the expense of others.

It’s taken a long, long while to realize this. Third year taught me a lot – there’s the whole “med school” rat race which I inadvertently had to get embroiled in if I wanted to go to the best graduate schools. People viewed me with suspicion, because an excellent “pre-grad” student would necessarily, due to the bell-curving, come at the expense of a pre-med student. Not forgetting, of course, that many Microbiology and Immunology students are considered “pre-med”. Then there was the whole thing with a research idea being “scooped” – I really hated that, and I still do, and I wish I had done my literature search better. Sometimes it makes me wonder, will I still come up with something good and novel anymore? But I know I cannot second-guess myself, because I know that “novelty” and “utility” are not the biggest measures of wisdom. I know of a better standard. Just gotta take the “God’s eye view” of things.

Too much of that to do. I guess I just have to tough it out until I graduate. And in the meantime, hope that my grades don’t slide off too much.

Now that was one heck of a hard exam. Much unlike Genetics, there was little in the way of problem solving. Rather, most of the exam questions were “Describe….” or “What are the……” or “Name three ways……”. I’m just  glad I pulled through, and even though I know some questions I definitely did get wrong, I’m just glad that I filled in every blank I could.

I have had the privilege to meet with Dr. Martin Chalfie, Nobel Laureate (2008), one-to-one in an informal reception setting. I heard his opinions on basic and translational research, the importance of basic research and how it has been overshadowed too much by the emphasis on translational research. Then there were all the goofy stories of “oh-so-high-and-up-there” scientists and of course, the “oh-so-high-and-up-there” G. W. Bush’s antics in the White House.

But really, meeting with Dr. Chalfie let me know that whatever science I do, there has to be a human touch to it. There has to be us emphasizing that science is the tool, and how we use the tool is what determines whether the tool was put to good use or not. I have to consider best human practices, moral issues to the knowledge that I am uncovering, and only by taking a stand for the better good can I become a more wholesome scientist, one who does care about the implications and directions of humanity.

I also learned that whatever science I do, I must not neglect the basic aspects of the knowledge being uncovered. Applied science, and translational research is one of them, is a really important, but without the foundational knowledge that underpins the applications, there would be no translational research. That importance cannot be underscored any more. Basic research is like the roots of a tree, which must hold firm before applied research, the fruits and branches of the tree, can bear any fruit. I just hope I never forget this point.

Finally, I learned that the Nobel Prize is really awarded to an idea, and that while certain members of the scientific community are awarded it, the award really goes out to all who helped advance the idea. GFP was certainly used by many scientists, but only 3 were picked, and to paraphrase Martin’s own words, he was just one of the lucky ones who applied GFP in his work who managed to win the prize.

Well, all in all, I’m very honored to have met a Nobel Prize winner face to face, to have chatted with him in person, and to have interacted with him. I hope there’ll be more things in store for Martin as he continues to advance his work in C. elegans. I also hope I get to meet more!! =D

Today, I met with Jason Read of Biochemistry to discuss switching into Integrated Sciences. I went in with a bit of trepidation, not knowing how to approach this, but I decided, don’t worry about the pitch and just tell him why I’d like to switch. And so I did.

It’s looking promising for me to make that switch. I’ve been getting more and more frustrated with the way the M&I courses are taught, and I’d like to take more Biochemistry courses instead. In some sense, I’d like my degree to reflect the courses that I’ve taken an interest in and performed well, and M&I wouldn’t cut it the way IntSci would.

Moreover, I’d like to be done with lab courses. I’ve taken the MICB322 and MICB323 courses already, and my general feeling is that there’s not enough time to become familiar with the inside-outs of the techniques that we’re being taught. In my opinion, it’s not as beneficial as learning learning a few techniques in a lab outside and really mastering them. In any case, when we move onto real research, we’ll still have to be retrained in the techniques that are relevant to the lab, by which time we’ll have a lot of time to get familiar with them.

In any case, it’s looking promising. Jason seems to understand my desire to graduate on time, without me even mentioning it. I wouldn’t have many more courses to tag on, and if I could justify MEDG421 as a “genetics” course of sorts as a culmination of my learning, then that would be ideal. Having completed my proposed course list, I’m thinking it should be quite soon before I know I’ve been accepted to IntSci. Hopefully that day comes.

There’s a stark contrast doing research in the lab and studying in school. If one were to ask me which I preferred, I would say the latter. In school, we’re overwhelmed with information. What’s not helpful is the fact that we’re mostly building up a body of knowledge, rather than a body of principles. For example, we learn about the many, many proteins involved with the physiology of E. coli, but we don’t learn about the things that will become useful in life.

In contrast, in the lab, I’m building up a body of knowledge around a specific area. The lab is where the fun is – here, I am actively learning, actively synthesizing, and not being called to memorize and apply. In the lab, I’m like putting a puzzle together – each piece comes in, and I can mentally annotate the body of knowledge in a useful and relevant way.

Certainly, this is an oversimplification, but then I believe it illustrates the salient features of studentship in school and apprenticeship in the lab. Reflecting back on the educational experience, though, I think my training as a scientist has been most useful in the lab. More on this later.

Yay, MURC is over, and it’s done!

I remember a lot – and I mean, a lot – of  what went on during my presentation. Suddenly, I was transformed into a wholly different person. Suddenly, I was talking like Robert Maurus – slow, deliberate, steady… Suddenly, I was talking with John Dueber’s style, always reinforcing the main point rather than focusing on the details. Suddenly, I  looked like a grad student. Whoa. I read too much P.H.D. comics.

In any case, it was very nice to have been awarded one of the four “Best Speaker” prizes at the conference. I wasn’t going for that, but rather, for a practice run for presenting my research proposal (completely unrelated topic; I wanted feedback on how to handle a presentation, since I haven’t done one for a long time). I also wanted to bring a nice closure to my term working with Gunti – he’ll be off to Germany, and I’ll miss working with him for sure. I’m working hard to make sure the rest of the data gets out, so that he can focus on writing the paper. Rarely does one find a patient and effective mentor who knows how to have fun with and take care of his student in his capacity as a teacher. Aside from Gunti, I’ve only seen one other – Thomas Tham, back in P5 and 6, who loved his 11 and 12 year-old students enough to invite them to his home for a day of fun and games.

In any case, one more thing is over. I’ve been reflecting over and over, and I realize, there’s one last piece in my academic career that’s missing. I’ve won a school-wide award; I’ve won a national competition, but both of those were on home ground. It’s like Man Utd playing at Old Trafford – my support group is with me, and I’m navigating familiar territory. The one piece that’s missing, however, is an international competition, held on away ground, not home ground. It’s like Man Utd going to the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow to play in the Champions League final – no home ground advantage. Or United headed to Stamford Bridge to play the decisive match in the Premier League race. No home advantage, the odds stacked against you, yet you over-prepare to clean-sweep the opposition away. I would really love to see that happen – with me on the winning side.

I guess that competitive streak within me hasn’t died out.

1/2 hour per module. There are 7 of them, 4 of which are covered but not summarized yet. 3 to summarize. Use 1/2 hour to summarize them succinctly. Note down any major structures. Draw any diagrams needed.